I've always enjoyed pulling pranks on people but my friend Harry enjoys it with a passion, so when the two of us get together and decide to toy with someone, watch out.
Now Mom, also Known as J.P Mullally !11 or Pat, as we usually called him, liked to go hunting with us, but by noon, was generally well into his second six pack, so by late afternoon, if we were just driving around he would be sort of passed out, snoozing away. So one trip, on the long ride back to Seattle, from a long weekend of Pheasant hunting, we saw Pat snoring away and we still had a long way to go, so we decided to do what would be later remembered as the "Great Freeze Out". You can pull this on your buddies too, if they always leave the driving to you.
So we put on our coats, then turned off the heat (it being about 20 and snowing at the time), slowly lowered the windows, and waited to see how long it would take before he would wake up. To digress, I know that sometimes people never wake up, as almost happened to my friend "little Red Peter" who once got drunk with me and went to a dance where we got separated. I was taken home by a bunch of girls, the fattest one being my choice de la nuit, and Pete passed out in a snow bank. Luckily someone happened by and pulled him out. He never completely forgave me for that.
So anyway, back to Pat, we are watching him as he hunches his shoulders, does a little shiver routine, but on and on we travel and he doesn't wake up, till finally, he wakes up, just chilled to the bone. We had to take off our coats and turn the heat up and for hours he never warmed up. Had to soak in a tub at home for a few hours before the hypothermia test we had put him to had been overcome.
But anyway, Mom would get so slow, what with all the drinking, that was how he got his nickname, as we would be out of the truck , have shot the pheasant, cleaned it, and he would still be looking for his shotgun.
So Harry liked to go drop off deer hoofs at Mom's door step, as a little extra prank, and the last time we did, we dropped off this recipe
Deer Hoof stew
It’s probably been way too long since someone dropped off a delicacy like deer hoofs at your door step, so you probably forgot the recipe in the fogs of time, so here goes
First off all, most people like it with the hair removed so you might want to skin the hoof first and remove most of the dingleberries that are caught in the toes.
Then put in a big kettle and boil the piss out of it for a day with generous amounts of spices, to your taste of course, but high on the list would be bay leaves, garlic, onions, rutabegas, parsnips, mushrooms, marijuana buds, and some fresh chilies.
After the boil, mix in some spuds, cook a while longer and serve. A nice red wine would be your taste pairing.
Merry Christmas, Mom.